Living in the worlds of my imagination...

Teach in China

Applied to teach English in China for a month this summer. Hopefully I’ll get it. Never been to Asia so it would be pretty awesome. Of course this means I needed to make sure I had all the required shots and immunities. Went in to get my blood drawn to check if I still had my immunities for Hepatitis A & B. I have no problem getting blood drawn but I have the WORST luck with phlebotomists at Kaiser… They collapsed part of my vein on my right arm and left me a six inch bruise once so I always give them the left arm now. This idiot goes in, hits a nerve… Seriously? Isn’t this your job? Shouldn’t you be good at it by now? I had pain in my arm throbbing from my shoulder to my wrist all day. Then I get I nice big bright blue bruise that is only now healing 1 1/2 weeks later…

Then I had to get a Typhoid shot from a nurse. The lady checking me in was baffled that they still gave that shot. I told her that they didn’t, I had to order it for my trip. She then asked if it was going to be scary cause I was so young. I smiled and told her I was 25. Floored her - she thought I was 18. :) Anyway, I had to get it on my left arm (the same bruised one) because I know shots leave you sore and I need my right…. but I seriously felt like someone had hit my shoulder with a bus or something. Trying to sleep was a nightmare because even leaning on it was hell. Luckily that one stopped hurting pretty fast (2 days). They say the HPV one is bad… It felt better than this one… So anyway, now I hope I get in. Second down payment for the tour part of the trip is due in a few days… exciting!

Caregiver Chronicles Pt. 3

So my grandma is becoming more aggressive with her Alzheimers and since the last time she escaped her house she’s been at my house EVERY DAY after leaving her adult day care. It hasn’t been easy because her older sister lives here and together they are just trouble. One instigates and the other one freaks out. Luckily my house is gated like a prison so when my grandma demands to be let out to “walk home” she can’t get out even if she tries. Not only is it not easy but it’s just sad that she doesn’t live here where people care about her. As difficult as it is, I prefer her here than at her other daughter’s house because everyone just looks at her like they hate her where she lives and it breaks my heart… I dont think anything makes me feel sadder.

That being said, I’ve gotten so sick of that family that I have distanced myself from them. I know cut-off isn’t healthy but I just cant be around them for my own sanity if I don’t want to rage at them. With that went my cousin who was a really good friend to me though… She turned to her bad friends to make herself feel better, instead of listening to reason, and I just didn’t like the person she was becoming. All of this just gets worst with the fact that I don’t really have friends anymore. My best friend is in Chicago in Medical School and I’m here, with no job, full-time school and no money. I rarely have time for friends and I’m watching my life pass away from the inside of my home.

That said. I started writing again now that my quarter is ending. It’s been a tough one… Theories of Learning kicked my butt but hopefully I will still manage a passing grade. On the other hand, read Rogers’ On Becoming a Person and it was eye opening for me. I thought repeatedly that Rogerian therapy was not for me but actually reading his writing changed my mind. I would really like to try and implement his theories to the way I handle people on a day to day basis. Maybe then I’ll learn not to be so angry with people…

Worst possible time to have writer’s block… Writing is my defense mechanism to try and keep my sanity in my messy, stressful life. No writing for a week = nervous breakdown. It was ugly. Everything just piled on extra thick this week and I was working so hard at being patient and happy… and then I crashed HARD. School is building up to be too much work. Why do professors think their class is the only one you have? And at the same time my great aunt and grandma are getting worse with their memories so there are issues to handle daily. My relationship is really being tested in the middle of all this mess and when there are problems there I have no where to escape this box called “my life”. I wasn’t meant to be caged like this, and even though it is voluntary to help people around me I feel so defeated right now. Don’t mean to whine… just need to let it out somewhere…